Jonathan J. Jacobson, renowned member of the press team that covered the now-popular Darkfighter Tournaments, stood before a wooden hotel-room doorway. He adjusted his necktie and smoothed out his balding hair before knocking on the door.

"It's unlocked, what do you want?"

"All right, fellas, here we go," Jonathan turned the bronze doorknob and opened the door. He looked around the room and saw a bathroom, and another room with only one bed...but Guy was nowhere to be found.

"Okay, turn the camera on," the cameraman, who was chewing rather loudly on a piece of gum though that's kind of irrelevant, flicked a switch to start recording. "Ahem, here we are in the combatant Guy's hotel room. Uh..where is he? Oh! There he is, over there, sitting in the corner. Excuse me...Mr. Guy? Why are you sitting in the corner? Is it some sort of Bushin ninja meditation to prepare you for the up-coming battle?"

The orange-clad ninja shrugged, "I dunno. Seemed like the quiet-ninja type thing to do."

One of the younger male press members raised his hand in the air anxiously, "Oh! Oh! Mr. Guy! Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

Guy looked down and started blankly at his currently revealed...er...bits, "Uh...that's a good question...I...I can't really remember why. I think it has something to do with that gerbil that's crawling around here, though."

"Okay, well now that's just disturbing."

"Don't knock it 'till you've tried it."

Jonathan loosened his necktie nervously. He was going to get fired for this, he just knew it, "A haha...ha...er, well, folks, there you have it. Guy the uh, Bushin ninja and his pet gerbil...uh..."

"His name," Guy decided right there would be a good time for a dramatic pause. He wondered if the camera they were pointing at him was actually recording this, "is Papa Smurf." A small, fuzzy, cute, little ball of lovable fur waddled up to the Bushin and started gnawing incessantly on his big toe.

"Yeah...right. So now we'll transfer over to the guys who're in Sodom's room right this very moment! Guys?"

A group of reporters and camera people stood outside a nondescript wooden door.

"We're here live with Sodom. Mr. Sodom, can we-"

The reporter knocked on the door, which inexplicably gave way. There stood Sodom, steam around him, as he was in the middle of a shower at that particular moment in time. Frantic, Sodom looked around for the closest thing he could find to hide his shame, which turned out to be a bar of soap. Luckily, it hadn't been used much, but this was still a bizarre situation for a samurai to be in. What would Miyamoto Musashi do?

"EEEEEEK!" Sodom screamed. Probably not what Musashi-san would have done, but then again he didn't like cleaning himself either.

The female reporter in the group turned to her colleague and whispered, "Why does he shower with that mask on?"

Her query went unanswered, as the other reporter already had an idea of his own. "Hey, camera guy! Zoom in right about there, I can make a lot of money selling this stuff on Ebay!"

Sodom turned red. Under his mask. "Um...now is not a good time for an interview...gomen..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, can you do the macarena?"

"Well, sure, it's easy, you just...HEY!"

"A-HA! You moved your hand!" He turned to the others. "All right boys, I believe our work here is done. Today, we may be upper-lower-middle class, but tomorrow we shall be lower-upper-middle class!"

"Yay!" they responded.

"Can I at least get a towel?" Sodom asked.

Meanwhile, back at the Clashdome, hordes of Final Fight fans were screaming and chanting wildly. Those who supported Mad Gear were, obviously, rooting, tooting, and hooting for Sodom. While those who always supported the goody-two-shoes, were chanting the name of Guy.

"AND HERE WE ARE FOR ANOTHER EXCITING BOUT IN THE 2ND DARKFIGHTER TOURNAMENT!" Hiro's...loud voice rang throughout the dome to most of the people's dismay within.

Particularly Dai, who was now covering her ears, "Ow."

"TODAY WE HAVE A VERY EXCITING MATCH-UP FOR ALL YOU FINAL FIGHT FANS OUT THERE (BELEIVE ME, I'M ONE OF THEM)! GUY VERSUS SODOM!!!"

Dai, her ears still ringing like church bells, leaned into her microphone, "Ahem, yes, that's right Hiro. Guy, the last Bushin ninja left from the streets of New York City is going to take on the raving otaku himself, Sodom. Now the interesting thing about this match is that these two have a long hist--"

"AND HERE THEY ARE NOW!!! OH MY GOD THIS IS SO EXCITING! SOMEBODY PINCH ME I THINK I'M DREAMING! HAHA, JUST KIDDING FOLKS. BUT SERIOUSLY, I AM SUCH A BIG FAN OF THESE TWO LET ME--erk!"

"Sorry ladies and gentlemen, my ears just couldn't take it anymore," Dai said as she put the tranquilizer gun back in her jacket pocket. "Oh? It looks like one of our competitors is entering now."

Sodom, who was bright red underneath his blue mask, walked into the arena as his supporters began chanting the Sailor Moon theme song.

"And it looks like the other competitor is entering the ring now as well. And...what's that he's got in his hands?"

Guy entered, raising Papa Smurf up with both hands as high as he could. One could tell which people in the audience were members of the OGFC (Official Guy Fan Club), because those select few souls began chanting away like Tibetan monks, "Pa-pa-Smurf! Pa-pa-Smurf!"

The Bushin felt a tear trickle down his tan cheek as he brought the gerbil close to his face, "See, my little one? They love you. Now is your moment to shine!"

Hiro, who had suddenly jumped up from the floor as if he had never been knocked out, grabbed his microphone and shouted, "THE CROWD IS GETTING REALLY EXCITED! THIS IS GONNA BE ONE HECKUVA FIGHT!!!"

".....I put enough tranquilizer in there to put out an elephant..." Dai mumbled to herself as she checked the label on her gun.

But now it was all quiet. The audience sat silently, waiting in anticipation to hear what the warriors had to say to each other.

Guy, gerbil in hand, was the first to speak, "Katana...my old nemesis."

"Que?" Sodom looked at the orange man curiously, though you probably couldn't tell he was looking at anything curiously because, well, he was wearing a mask.

"Don't act like you don't remember..."

"I'm not acting. Were you that guy who ran around with a mustache and no shirt on? Because you looked bigger then..."

Guy shook his head in a manner that people shook their heads when they disapproved of something, "Don't play dumb with me, Katana. I won't fall for your foul trickery again."

"I'm not playing!"

"Hmm...it seems what you are saying is not a quote 'fib' un-quote. Well, perhaps this will refresh your memory..." The Bushin quickly shoved Papa Smurf into his pocket and lunged forward at the un-prepared Otaku.

"Wait!" Sodom shouted, causing Guy to somehow literally freeze in mid-air. Neat! He looked like a cartoon! "This isn't the right place. Let's go somewhere with a bit more...pizzazz!"

"...pizzazz?"

"Yeah, you know, flashiness, oomph, interesosity," Sodom skipped around the hovering Bushin in attempt to demonstrate 'pizzazz'. But it probably ended up just freaking people out.

"Interesosity? That's not a word."

Sodom stopped skipping around and hmph'd, "Okay then, Mr. Smarty-pants! You want to insult my vocabulary then go ahead! I can take you on any day! Come on, pal, let's go to my territory! Let's head to....MCDONALDS!"

Guy raised an eyebrow, ".....oh, you have got to be kidding."

The teleporter made a little noise that sounded something like, "Doodely-oo, doodely-oo..."

With a dazzling display of pretty sparkles and flashing lights, Sodom materialized inside a ball-pit in a nearby McDonald's Playplace, "Heehee, look at all the colors!"

Guy who, because he was all ready defying reality by levitating, appeared a bit later than Sodom appeared in mid-air and ended up plunging into the pool of hollow rubber balls. A small child who was ordering an eight-piece chicken McNugget, and who just so happened to play Street Fighter Alpha 3 religiously, witnessed this spectacle.

"Wow, I...I think that was Guy! Mommy told me they weren't real. She said that it was just the medication I was taking, but I knew she was wrong all along!" the child approached the pit slowly, his eyes wide and eager with anticipation like that of some sort of chibi-anime doll.

Guy stuck his head out from beneath the avalanche of balls and looked at the kid who was now in the ballpit with them, "Gee, Mr. Guy! I think you're the best! Could I have your autograph?"

The Bushin looked up at the child, then at Sodom, then back at the child again. With lighting Bushin speed, Guy quickly grabbed the kid and created a makeshift human shield out of him, "ALL RIGHT, KATANA! DO YOUR WORST!"

The samurai Otaku looked down at the boy. He was wearing a white 'Revolutionary Boy Footena' shirt. "Hmm...can't hurt a fellow Otaku...what to do, what to do..."

Sodom looked around for some way of getting to Guy without hurting his fellow anime-fan. It seemed about hopeless until he noticed the straps that hung down from the ceiling. The Otaku leapt up and grabbed onto one of the straps. He then shifted his weight and swung himself forward with his feet extended to kick Guy in the face. This sounded a lot better than it worked, as the strap quickly gave way under Sodom's weight and both he and Guy fell into the pit again, along with the child.

The child, to everyone's dismay, was lost in the depths of the pit. Never to be seen again...

"Where are you, Katana!?" Guy burst through the surface of the sea of balls, sending the spheres flying about the small area, just in time to see Sodom scampering off into one of the little plastic tunnels. "A-ha! I've got you now..."

This guy's nuts...completely insane! I've got to get away from here...

Too bad Sodom wasn't telepathic. Because if he was, he would've known that Papa Smurf was currently chewing through the side of the tunnel to cut him off. It was a good thing Papa Smurf liked plastic, heck, the little critter liked anything it could get it's jaws on.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S JAAAAAY LENO!" Guy's head burst through the side of the tunnel with the gerbil on his shoulder.

With a mousy, "Eep!" Sodom turned around and ran back towards the ball room.

Heh...I've got you now, Katana. "Sick em', Papa Smurf!!" on it's master's command, the tiny gerbil rocketed towards the wannabe-samurai, barring it's teeth and hissing all the way until it latched itself onto the back of his neck.

"AIIIEEEEEEEE!" Sodom flailed about the pit violently, trying to get the sucker off. Finally, he was able to grab hold of it, tear it off of his neck slam it down into the balls, and ran. Ran like hell.

"PAPA SMURF!!!" Guy, terrified that his dear friend could be injured or worse, dove head first into the pit. Tossing balls about frantically.

In his mad rush to escape Guy's wrath, Sodom ran into a wall. Actually, he ran into and through the wall, and was mystified by what he saw when he finally opened his eyes.

The red, frizzy hair was the first indication something was not right. The face paint would have been the second. The fact that the room was decorated in violet leopard skin print, and the person with the red, frizzy hair was lying on a waterbed in the middle of it, naked underneath the blanket (which was only strategically placed anyhow), would have been the third and final sign that this was screwed up beyond his wildest nightmares.

"R-Ronald?..."

"Why, hello there, little one. How would you like to believe in magic all over again?"

Sodom ran off, screaming. This course of action worked well enough until he hit a brick wall. This brick wall happened to be a master of Bushin. A very pissed-off master of Bushin.

His hair was unkempt, his eyes were wild and bloodshot. He looked like any number of deranged serial killers. And his terrifying eyes were locked on Sodom.

"YOU! What have you done with Papa Smurf?!"

"Uh-oh."

Sodom grabbed a ketchup packet off the nearest table and squeezed it as hard as he could. The delicious red condiment filled Guy's eyes, and he was temporarily blinded. Sodom used this precious time to clamber up the adjacent ladder and started down the twisty slide. Just as he was about to go through, Guy got to the top of the ladder. He went down shortly after Sodom.

"KATANA..." he breathed, "YOU ARE A DEAD MAN. How -dare- you hurt my Papa Smurf? I'll sue your ass so fast your mask will spin!"

Sodom blinked. "You know, I've been meaning to ask you...why do you keep calling me that?"

Time seemed to stop. Actually, the friction from their incredibly slow descent down the slide was making it seem that way (and making Guy's hair stand on end). If Sodom could have looked back at Guy, he wouldn't have been surprised to see him whip out a pair of scholarly glasses as he explained exactly why.

"Because when Final Fight was ported to the SNES from the arcade, worried Nintendo censors decided that the boss name "Sodom" would conjure up protests from concerned parents who would think that the character encouraged sodomy. Thusly, they changed the character's name to "Katana" partially due to the fact that he looked like a samurai and also due to their strict content standards. They also changed several female enemies to male characters because they did not want to be seen as promoting domestic violence."

"...Oh."

"But enough talk! I will have my revenge!"

Almost as if on cue, the slide ended, and Guy and Sodom spilled out into a compartment with netting for a floor. Guy stood over Sodom, advancing towards him as the Otaku slowly started edging back. His eyes lit on a stray ball from the nearby ball pit. With lightning quick speed, he grabbed the ball and hurled it right between Guy's eyes, knocking him flat on his back.

"Hee hee!" he said.

In a blind rage, Guy flipped to his feet and ran, despite the netting, towards Sodom. Of course, this would be a really awkward, strange run. But it was done with a lot of valiant effort, and I believe if you would have actually seen it you would have nodded in respect before laughing your ass off. Sodom was worried.

His fears were alleviated when he found his next weapon. A small child sat at a table, enjoying her Happy Meal. Sodom saw her hamburger, not yet touched, and grabbed it. Using the side netting for balance, he lunged at Guy and shoved it down his throat. The little girl cried. Sodom laughed as Guy stumbled backwards, hacking and choking.

"Ha ha! Cholesterol shall win this battle for me!"

Sodom's joy was short-lived, however, as Guy managed to spit out the burger. It made for lovely conversation at the table full of old ladies next to them.

"WHY YOU-" He tackled Sodom and attempted to strangle the bigger man in the netting. Sodom reached around him, grabbed Guy by the back of the shirt, and threw him into the nearby wall. Anxious to get out of there, Sodom ran for the nearest tunnel he could find and leapt into it...

...only to discover moments later that he was stuck. "Uh-oh."

Guy saw his opponent's predicament and decided to take advantage of it. "MWAHAHAHAHA! You're MINE!" He grabbed the same ball Sodom had used from underneath the netting and began throwing it at the gaijin's rear over and over again, laughing maniacally throughout the whole process.

"Knock...ow...it off...ow...baka! I'm stuck!"

"A likely story! Nyahahaha!"

3 hours later, the fire and rescue team had arrived. They had stopped over at Walgreen's to bring home a nice little present for the kids, which accounted for the delay. The fire chief looked Sodom's case over. He arrived at a conclusion.

"Damnedest thing I've ever seen. You one of Ronald's friends?"

"NO!"

The chief turned to his crew. "All right, Earl, get the Jaws of Life, this kid ain't goin' anywhere." Sodom sighed.

A referee appeared out of nowhere and raised Guy's hand in victory. "Your winner by default, GUY!" he yelled.

Meanwhile, back at the stadium...

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" said the Guy fans.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said the Sodom fans.

Hiro intoned, "WWWWWWWWWOWSERS! WHAT AN EXCITING MATCH THAT WAS! BOY I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! I'M TELLING YOU FOLKS, I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE UP HERE IN THIS ANNOUNCER'S BOOTH..."

Dai shot herself with tranquilizer. "Finally...some...quiettzzzrrrhhh..."

She slumped down onto her desk and slept.