"Whew! Maybe I can skip this battle, eh girls?" Polnareff said with a huge grin. He was sitting within an expansive sauna, steam wafting through the air and around him. Clad only in a damp towel, he had two beautiful women held in either arm, one a curvous brunette and the other a perfectly chiseled blond.

"Who needs a crummy ole tournament anyway?" purred the blonde in a sing-song voice, holding a grape over his head. He gingerly ate it with a sigh as the brunette rubbed his chest sensually.

"I will! I quit the tournament!!" Polnareff said, raising his hands to the brightly illuminated ceiling. "For the good of you fine ladies I will give you the pleasure of my company!"

"Ohhhh Pierre!!" Cooed the blond as she put her arms around his neck and played with his hair. The brunette leaned forward, licking her lips.

"Mista P, will you teach me to make love?" Slowly he reached forward to the girl, lips puckered. And slowly, they --

"POLNAREFF! WAKE UP YOU MORON!" Lkaro snarled, kicking the cot over and tumbling the blond knight over unto the ground. Pierre scratched his head confused, managing to crawl to his feet.

"Whozzat? Lkaro? Why are you here?" He mumbled disgustedly. Searching around under a mountain of blankets, his armor was dug out. And also, on second thought, his pants as well. He began to dress as the black amorphous form of the Dark Entity Lkaro drifted closer.

"Failure is not an option! I waited MONTHS for this tournament! You ARE going to win!" He snarled out. Polarneff turned his back to him with a snort, clasping the gray armor on. Then we went to the full sized mirror, making a kissing face at himself as he began brushing his hair straight up.

"Right here, I have an item able to BLOW this Donovan character OUT OF THE CLASHDOME!!!" Pierre was not paying attention, musedly pondering about the brunette and blond still awaiting him in his dreams. Lkaro's distant rambling was only partially heard by the tall figure.

"...and NEVER, NEVER touch the red button! You got that?"

"Sure, sure. Squeeze it left 20 times then fidge-picket the red button." He grabbed the long, complicated contraption and stuck it into his pocket. "But I refuse to cheat!"

Lkaro slapped his hand into his non-material forehead. "Blaah! ... it's only cheating if you get caught."

"You've been around Daniel D'arby too long, you shifty shade you. No! I will beat him with my own power!"

"Technically using a weapon of massive, potentially earth-shattering power WOULD be used under your power. Since SOMEONE has to push the button."

"NO! NO! A HUNDRED TIMES NO!" Polnareff shouted, turning and heading towards the door. "Well, just DON'T PRESS THE RED BUTTO---"

*SLAM*

- The Clash Dome-

" Hey Fans!" Hiro sounded across the Clash Dome. " This next Match should be terrific, spectacular, and, yes, even awesome! We have two of Darkfighter’s finest swordsmen out on the floor today! One can only guess at the level of talent we’re going to see!"

" Wait a minute. Swordsmen? Aren’t swords usually used to maim people? They might really lose some blood out there..." Dai’s voice did nothing to upset his partner.

" Let’s hope so!"

Dai only sighed and said nothing more.

A tall, intimidating looking man walked out to the center of the ring. His sword stayed behind his back, as did the little girl that was following him.

" Hey! It’s our first fighter in the ring, Donovan! It looks like his little follower, Anita, is out there as well. Let’s hope that they don’t cheat!"

" They will."

" Yeah, I know!"

Dai sighed again.

I wonder if you’ll lose... Anita said mentally to Donovan.

" Let’s hope that the fights fair at least. He’s not a Darkstalker, though, so that shouldn’t be a problem at all." Donovan sounded very confident.

Let’s hope the fights fair... two against one.... that’s real fair.

And then from the opposite side of the Clash dome a tall and extremely muscular blond haired man strode in, old-fashioned armor breastplate strapped over his chest. His hair was impeccably groomed directly upwards, He, however, was lacking in a sword of any sort.

"And heeeeere comes the handsomest sword-stabber this side of Starbucks! Ladies, you want him, men, you want to BE him, it's POLLL...uh... NERAFF?" Hiro tried to cover the mike.

"Stupid French names... what do you mean it's still on?"

Jean looked up to the announcers booth with an evil frown, arms crossed.

Dai slapped his hand against his forehead with a deep sigh. He picked up the mike and boredly stated, "Here is Jean Pierre Polnareff, ladies and gentleman."

Then the blond knight lifted a pair of peace signs into the air, and the audience started to cheer! Oddly enough, there was a sound coming out of his ear. He reached up and felt a small clip slipped into his hair.

"Jean! Jean is that you? This is Lkaro, you idiot. Now, what I am about to say is very, very important. YOU MUST REMEMBER NOT TO PRES--" Polnareff pulled the bug out and crushed it deftly, wiping his hands off on his thighs.

"I, JEAN PIERRE POLNAREFF, BY THE NAME OF MY DEAD SISTER, TO STRIVE FORWARD AND KILL HER MURDERER, AND FOR PASTRY DISHES EVERYWHERE..." Silver Chariot suddenly burst from his body, shining sword aiming high into the air as his metallic armor gleamed and the crowd went wild.

"I WILL DEFEAT YOU! SILVER CHARIOT!" Silver Chariot landed next to him, sword poised to strike and mimicking Polnareff's pointed finger as he smirked defiantly.

Donovan was completely taken aback at the sight of the stand. "That creature! What is it?"

Polnareff looked mighty confused. Silver Chariot leaned on its sword, gazing around apparently bored. "You... You can see it?"

Over the Clash dome, the Announcer stated "Yessiree!! Stands CAN be seen and hurt by non-users here! It's only fair!" Hiro gleefully stated. Polnareff grumbled as Silver Chariot poked at a rock.

(I must not let that 'stand' harm the people in this stadium. It could be terrible) "We must leave this place. Our battle will NOT be here."

Polnareff blinked slowly. Silver Chariot suddenly snapped to attention next to the knight, weapon poised to strike. "...Very well! We will fight wherever gives you the greatest advantage!"

Dai's voice came over the Clash dome this time. "Feel free to use the Teleporter over there in the corner..." a monotone voice mused.

" Teleporter?" Donovan looked over in the corner at the machine. Anita was already waiting there. Donovan walked over to the platform and waited for Polnareff.

Polnareff blinked slowly as he walked over as well. "A teleporter! I know how to use these!" He nudges Anita out of the way and hits some random buttons until it flickers blue. "There! We'll go to a large open desert, miles from even a stone!"

With that, he leaps into the teleporter without waiting to hear any response or objection at his technical skills...

...And so they arrived at Ma' and Pa's Diner: The finest dinin' establishment this side of the Mississippi!

With a flash of light, Polnareff arrived ten feet too high, plummeting downwards. He hit a trauff of dirty water with a large splash, shattering the wood to splinters as he rolled over and over. He was snapped out of his daze by the annoyed oinking of a few muddied pigs. Glancing left and right, he surveyed a comely farm area, crops slowly wafting in a breeze as the warm sun shined down from the sky. In the distance was a long street, telephone poles lined lazily along it and a small diner was alongside. He scratched his head, letting his gaze roam across the many stalls, chicken coop, barn, and tiny cottage-like house as he looked for Donovan.

"Ooops." He said to himself sourly.

Donovan had the unfortunate pleasure of landing in a crude bathroom stall. He hurriedly opened the door and was about to leave when he ran into a young woman.

" Hello" he said to woman. " May I ask where I am?"

" Clarese!" The woman was obviously in a panic. " There's a man in here!"

" A man? In the WOMEN'S bathroom? How terrible!"

At that moment all of the other stalls in the room opened. All of them contained angry women. Donovan quickly rushed out with cries of " PERVERT!" ringing in his ears.

Anita appeared on the ground of the kitchen. She took one whiff of the food and left, just in time to see Donovan run out of the front door of the restroom.

Many angry shouts came from further north, and pigs were flying through the air with squeals of fright. One flew right over the diner, and one slack jawed folk pointed to it flying and said, "Sweet god, Bessie! Ya said we could get married when pigs fly!"

Polnareff began marching towards the diner angrily, Silver Chariot firmly marching behind with his viciously sharp sword extended. "Argh! I got muddy!" he said in anger, wiping at his boots.

Donovan ran out of the diner door and straight into Polnareff. They both knocked each other down to the ground.

Polnareff quickly stood up, apparently still angry. Silver Chariot, faster then the eye could see, whipped forward and jabbed, but the sword stopped only half an inch in front of Donovan's right eye. "Stand up and fight me, fool! I need to change my pants!" Donovan brought out Dhylec. The two blades locked. " Your pants? So I assume that you wish to end this quickly. Very well. Dhylec, Slay Shred!" He let go of the sword and backed away as it confronted the Silver Chariot.

Silver Chariot slashed outwards, striking the blade hard. Blow for blow he parried, slashing pitifully at the considerably harder sword. As the two mentally controlled apparatus battled it out, Polnareff cracked his knuckles and gazed from Anita to Donovan.

"So, who do I punch out first? Come now, pick already!" he said with a smirk. Donovan stepped forward. " Leave her out of this! Let our blades solve this." The dramatic speech was followed by the squeal of some pigs not too far off.

Polnareff stepped forward, the clangs of Silver Chariot and Dhylec echoed around, intermingling with the pigs squealing to make a delightful cacophony. "Okay! You just volunteered!" He snarls, punching out with extreme force and connecting with Donovan's jaw. As his opponent reeled from the blow, he shook his fist with a frown. "...ow, your chin's pretty hard."

The hunter put a hand on his chin. " Hmph... Your fist's fairly sturdy as well. You will pay for that blow!" He made to run forward, but his foot hit a chicken on the ground. The force of the kick sent the poor fowl flying into Polnareff.

A big burst of feathers wafted into the air as the chicken clawed at Jean's eyes. He screamed, pulling it off by the neck and chucking it to the ground where it squawked and ran away. He backed up awkwardly as a Farmer with a rake ran out. "Argh! My chicken!!"

Polnareff grabs a pig that strayed too far, hefting it as it squealed. "Oh? You wanna fight like that huh?" He said, chucking the pig with extreme prejudice. It spiraled like a football, thunking into Donovan's stomach.

The sheer momentum of the pig sent Donovan tumbling backwards, nearly knocking over Anita, and in to the diner. The people inside stared at the man lying on the ground. Donovan jumped up and gathered in his surroundings. He saw a waitress carrying a stack of syrup-covered pancakes on a tray. Donovan grabbed the tray, apologized to the speechless woman, and hurled the pancakes at Polnareff through the open door. They flew low and hit him in the midriff splattering everywhere.

That was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Syrup dripped from Polnareff, who merely stood with a slack-jawed expression. He felt the brown, sticky liquid, brushed a chunk of pancake from his shoulder. More speechless then the still confused women, he reached up and felt a small stream of it in his formerly perfect blond hair.

"...!" He finally managed to say, clenching and unclenching his fists, trembling in rage.

Donovan looked around for another object to use against his opponent. He saw nothing, so he stood in the doorway. Awaiting the reaction.

Anita was shaking her head at the spectacle. (How childish. Throwing food. Well, It is an interesting sight, that face he has.)

*CLANG CLANG* Went Silver Chariot and his opposing sword. The Stand was getting the light end of the stick, its jabs and slices not hurting the significantly sturdier sword. Diving to the left it avoided a nasty slash that exploded a large water pump. White frothy dihydrogen monoxide spurted high into the air, raining down on the surroundings as the fight continued.

As the mist slowly wafted over Polnareff, he now looked up as the water drenched his hair. His temple pulsed and he looked ready to explode. "OKAY, THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH! TIME TO END THIS!" He reached down, and picked up a HUGE metal basin which he hefted over his head. WHOOOOOOOOOOSH! *crash* went the Basin as it tore through the slightly too thin doorframe, two hundred pounds of solid aluminum. And that's a lot of aluminum. Bouncing once it careens towards Donovan as the other diner attendants scatter.

Donovan stood stock-still. He tried feverously to think of a way to avoid it or send it back, but he could think of absolutely nothing. He just watched the basin fly towards him.

Closer... closer... what could he do?

Suddenly the basin stopped in midair. It was actually hovering off the ground, but how? Donovan looked and saw Anita staring at the basin; she was obviously holding it with her mind. Donovan was relieved that the attack was blocked for him, but then he realized that Anita was helping him. They were CHEATING!

" Anita! Drop that right now. I am to fight alone!"

Instead of complying, however, Anita creased her brow, and sent the basin flying back to Polnareff!

Polnareff was quite confused -- Anita was out of his vision, and Donovan still looked quite confused. The knight saw that yes, the Basin WAS hurtling towards him, and he screamed loudly. "SO! CHEATING IS ALLOWED!" He said, rummaging around in his pockets.

The contraption he held was just a small pistol-like device, with a trigger and blue knob. On top of it was a shiny red button. The basin was now dreadfully close, and he eeped fearfully, aiming the gun and firing.

*WHAAAAAAAAAAAM* The blast shattered the aluminum to shrapnel, a spiraling blue blast ripping past and striking the side of the diner. Another hellish explosion tore through the surroundings, as chunks of wood hurtled into the air and black smoke filled the surroundings. The force of the blast hurtled Polnareff back, and he 'Oomphed', looking at his tiny gun with an open mouth. "HUOH!" He managed to say, peering into the cloud of smoke. " What in the world!?" Donovan was terribly shocked to see the little pistol completely destroy the water basin. He was even more surprised, or perhaps worried when the blast hit the diner. Pieces of the roof were falling everywhere and one was heading for Anita! He ran over to her and picked her up into his arms. Avoiding more of the roof and shrapnel, they hurried out of the door.

When Donovan had gotten outside the smoke had mostly cleared. He set down Anita and walked towards Polnareff. He made a quick motion with his hand towards Dhylec. Thunder rumbled and a bolt of lightning struck Dhylec and spread out around it, blasting the Silver Chariot into the distance. He made another movement and his sword flew into his grasp.

" No more of this. It shall end now!" He continued over to his opponent.

Polnareff buckled over, coughing painfully and stumbling to his knees. Silver Chariot blipped out, and Jean rubbed his chest awkwardly in the same place that Silver Chariot had been zapped. He fiddled with the gun in his hand with a laugh.

"T-This wasn't even at full power!" He said with a sneer, clicking up the dial to its maximum. He aimed the gun directly at Donovan, but didn't pull the trigger yet. "D...Don't move!" he said breathily.

Donovan held Dhylec up in his hand and pointed at his opponent with the sword. "Release your weapon! Firing it would only cause unneeded destruction. Put it down."

Polnareff wavered in between firing and not firing. He didn't drop the weapon, but could easily pull the trigger and win the fight... "N...Y..." Honor kept ringing in his head. Honor honor honor! He took a deep breath in, then released it while lowering his weapon.

"...Looks like I lost didn't I?"

" You fought well. Do not be ashamed of the battle we had." Donovan lowered the sword and extended his hand.

( Fought well? They threw animals and food at eachother. How is that a fight?) Anita was completely confused.

Polnareff extended his hand as well, shaking it firmly with a smile. He went 'Whew!' with a deep sigh, looking at the gun and tossing it behind him and wiping his hands on his pants. "Well... Lkaro's going to beat my head in for this. But there's winning, then there is losing. Firing that gun would have indeed been losing."

"What in tarnation?" muttered a redneck who pushed his way out of the smoking wreckage. Dusting himself off and ambling forward, he saw the shine of the gun and gingerly lifted it up. "Ooo... pretty."

" NOOOOO!" Donovan screamed, but it was too late.

In went his finger into the red button. And absolutely nothing happened. The redneck pressed it again and again, looking into the barrel confused. "Wha? It's broken. Oh! Look! A trigger!"

...*WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMPH!*

Dai blinked as the monitors flared white, and all cameras to the fight were lost. Hiro was the first to manage a choked out response. "Uh... looks like we lost all contact with the fighters now due to unexplained circumstances, but given Pullna-whatever said he was going to quit, Donovan is the winner! ...well, wherever he and that Jean guy is."

Dai facepalmed again, then blinked as she gazed over the horizon. "Isn't that a mushroom cloud in the distance?" she mused softly to herself, then shook her head and shrugged. It was best to blot this tournament from her memory.

Donovan and Anita landed close together in a smoking heap on the ground. One of Anita’s dress sleeves were torn, and Donovan’s once colorful cloak was now charred. They stumbled to get up.

" W-we’re alive!" Donovan managed to choke out. " I wonder though... if our friend had the same luck?"

Friend!? Anita was very close to screaming in her anger. If that idiot hadn’t brought that gun, we wouldn’t be in this situation! It’s his fault!"

" Still," Donovan was calmer now. " He did concede defeat in a most honorable form. That was very sporting."

Anita said nothing.

They walked a little bit and, to their joy, they came upon the Clash Dome. It was like a beautiful dream. Walking inside, they were met with shouts of congratulations and joyful cheers. They accepted every complement.

While Donovan was talking to the crowd, Anita sneaked away unnoticed. She eyed the people with contempt, but kept her thoughts to herself.